Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
