I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
