im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize