Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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