i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
