Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
