I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up under a house in Key West
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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