Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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