Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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