the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
