i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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