Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
