I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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