thus making me awesome and them whores
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think your dad took our porno
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
