There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Less talking, more tequila
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
