i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
