just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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