3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
