Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
