I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
did you just send me my own nude
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
