So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize