Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
