I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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