Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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