the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
