people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
