I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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