nut hugger
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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