We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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