Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
