my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
