I hate your face
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
