In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
