how can u be prego again
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
