No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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