I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
