She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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