you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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