Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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