Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
