Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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