Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
