Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
