i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
