when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
