Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
