please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
