Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize