i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
