Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
