Are we in a gay sports bar?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
