If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
