My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
