Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
