Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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