I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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