is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
