there was a trapeze. enough said
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
