Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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