Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
