I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
