Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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