I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
