he was CRYING into my vagina
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize