Your face is a jimmy john
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Little spoons don't ask big questions
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize