I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
