but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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