fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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