nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
