At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
This is my gift to your gina
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
