She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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