Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
