your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
