i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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