woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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