I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
