i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
