the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
