Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
