I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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