youre lurking in front of me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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